Messy

I remember our bodies sweating like sea lions

Simmering under the southern heat

Both full of bar food and dark rum from the night before

You drank enough for the both of us

But then you always did

I remember amber stained fingers from your Marlboro reds

Pawing at me

Curves purring

Tenderness ripe

Your hand melting upon my swollen stomach

Comfort deadened your weight

I crawled under you

Towards the sunlight tickling my toes

To fill up again

On something

I remember you stirring

Emerging from the airless pit ploughed by drunken words

A promise of eternity uttered

Yet hours evaporated

Forgotten

And empty longings coated our lungs

Our mouths were dry

For we’d swallowed all we could give

I remember watching smoke escape you

That first cigarette of the day

Rousing euphoria

I was never able to awaken similar pleasures

You wouldn’t allow me to

I remember we never cleaned up

A sink full of midnight cravings

Half eaten pancakes from 4am proposals

“Ask me again in the morning”

Well morning came

And bitter coffee softened the beaten shadow

Clouds of knowing

Knowing the rain would fall

To disperse such words

Never to be heard again

I remember the permanent current

A chaos never ceasing

I remember falling deeply in love with our mess

Mirroring untamed gardens

Seeds sown by others to grow wild within

I remember your divinity

But I was numb

Bursting with an excess of salty tears

Smudging the ink as we wrote our story

I remember the ending

Waves crashing

Eroding the chalk my bones were now made of

My survival depended on it

I cleaned up.

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