Friends always say
“You’re so funny
Random shit always happens to you”
You want a story?
I’m your gal
God forbid you ever think me boring!
I go out
Get drunk on pink wine
To meet a guy who has his own story
I meet one
He does some job
Someplace
Somewhere
I don’t fancy him but he has nice shoes
He fancies me
I think
Story begins
We get drunk
He invites me back to his
We drink whiskey
I hate whiskey
But I drink it anyway
I’m more obnoxious when I’m drunk
I think
And flirt harder
I need to pee
I come back
He’s naked
I shut down
It wasn’t the worst
It wasn’t the best either
He shows me pictures of his kids
Tells me he misses them
And her
I should care
I don’t
We fall asleep
I wake up at 4am disorientated
Where the fuck am I?
He drapes over me
I want to leave
But I don’t
I push him off me
I fall asleep
Wake up at 6am
Hangover from hell
He pretends to like my morning hair
I pretend I fancy him
He takes ages in the loo
I hold mine in
Coffee makes it worse
I say goodbye
Twenty minute walk home in heels
My pants are crusty
No big deal
I vomit behind the bins outside McDonalds
I laugh at myself
Funny
I get home
Go to the loo
I take a bath because I feel disgusting
I wash my face
I cry
I can’t remember his name
And did we use protection?
I put on a baggy t-shirt and leggings
I watch TV
All day
And eat a whole packet of kettle chips
The big packet
Ready salted
And oven chips
I pick my fingernails because I’m so pissed at myself for eating a whole packet of crisps
I call a friend
“What a night!
You’re never gonna guess what happened?
It was so fucking funny”.
