You left on a Sunday
You walked out the door of the B&B on a Sunday morning heading back across the pond.
We’d been in Texas for over a week
The holiday wasn’t over for me and according to our plane tickets and the calendar on my iPhone, we had another week left.
I begged for you to stay
Not because I wanted you
At this point I don’t even think I liked you
I wanted to feel suffocated by your apologies, not premature goodbyes
Is anything ever premature?
It happens when it happens
When its time, its time
Anyway, that’s a whole separate mind fuck
“Get it together”
“You always get what you want. I’m not pandering to your tears”
No shit Sherlock
And fuck you!
You were leaving me
In the middle of our holiday
And taking the car
In rural Texas
And could you have left after I’d put some clothes on?
Au revoir naked I’ll-delete-your-number-later lady
Why do we feel most vulnerable when we’re naked?
Skin is our most permanent accessory.
You never shied away from telling me I had soft skin
And then you go and grate chucks from me with your corrugated intentions
Had I chosen to ignore this newly apparent drill sergeant you were so capable of imitating?
To answer my own question, yes I had.
It wasn’t newly apparent at all
You’d not changed since the day we met
See, you were a being that I’d never known the likes of before
My lust for you was driven by curiosity
What can I say?
I’m springtime heat
Forcing new buds to blossom
And you played the game
You said I was medicine
Your bottle of pop carbonating flattened enthusiasms
Well I’ve got news Mr
I’m done being consumed
I’m no longer the syrup to coat your wounded memories
On a Sunday
A shaken bottle of fizzy gonna spray
Was this intentional?
I have been blind to this malicious act
Who am I kidding?
No I wasn’t
And you weren’t malicious, you were just afraid of a life already lived
And shit, what a life you’d led
My role as victim was convincing
And maybe I’d chosen the scariest looking ride
Because I collect thrilling stories to retell
Proof, of something
Best damn decision ever made
Thank you, from the bottom of my explosive heart
It was because of you that I jumped out of my comfort pot and stayed, alone
And met new people
And I was properly introduced to the woman I am
Yes, I am thrilling
Without the help of fairground rides
I’ve got more stories
But not to prove anything
So Thank you
This note ends here but my stories don’t
I’ll continue to tell them
Just not to you.