#16 Grateful for Not Achieving 1,600 Words per day

So yea, as the title explains, I am wayyyy off my 1,600 words per day to write my novel in the month of November.

I have two options, I beat myself up about it, cursing the fact that I haven’t done what I set out to do when I signed up for National Novel Writing Month, or I can accept that I although I am not on course to write a novel in a short space of time, I have at least started the novel and also written some poems that I think are pretty good (self-expression is self-expression and I’m happy that at least I’m doing it). I’m going with option No.2 because nobody likes a bruised body from internal battering so hold fire personal attack and welcome to the creative process of writing.

Creating is a strange process. You plan, you plan to stick to the plan (or so you hope) but the planned form of expression turns into something completely different and you end up with something that is most probably more true to you than the original plan. This has been my whole creative life. I began as a dancer, then went to drama school then ended up at university specialising in Playwriting and now I am here, still writing but not plays. The twists and turns in life are what make it so… well a combo of so fucked up and so glorious all rolled into one.

The controller in me wants everything to go according to how I’ve rolled my time-line out in my head. I’ve done this ever since I was small, pretending I know what the outcome is most likely going to be, saying ‘oh I know, I have this feeling’ and although I consider myself an intuitive person, we can never know what is going to happen on every path we venture down. LET GO OF THE WHEEL. I write that in capitols for me, not to preach. I am the giver of advice and the worst receiver. My own advice comes from a place within that I know I need to listen too. I’m pretty much advising myself with the advice that I give when I’m asked to give it (as listening is most often the best help we can give) because I only ever know my perspectives, my own interpretations of my reality.

I am grateful that I am not on track with NaNoWriMo because it’s making me look at myself, hard… Through those truth lenses that I like to keep in my pocket and pretend I’ve lost them when pretending seems like the most fun game in life when truth is hard to accept. I’ve also realised that maybe this book isn’t a long winded intricate novel. I’m writing a teenage fiction book, it’s the diary of a girl who has been made to live with her difficult aunt after loosing her parents and coming to terms with this, if she ever does. It’s character driven and now, the more I write, it seems to be crossing into fantasy too. So I’ll keep going and see what happens but I’m relieving the pressure of 1,600 words a day as this was stressful rather than encouraging. We all work differently and part of the process is finding your own way.

Writing is so enjoyable yet so challenging all at once. I guess like life, the perfect combination of contradictions. As you ride the wave you get wet, so you get out of the water, dry off, then get back in the water again.

 

 

6 thoughts on “#16 Grateful for Not Achieving 1,600 Words per day

  1. Keep going! You never know where it might lead you. And the more I write, the more novel drafts I save off on my computer, the more I realize that I haven’t written THE first novel to be published yet and that the journey there is just as enjoyable and fascinating as the product itself. Don’t beat yourself up, just follow your tiny voice inside that tells you to go on, no matter if you only wrote 10 or 100 or 1,000 words today. Good luck with the rest of the NaNoWriMo challenge! Just decided to join today, and planning for a crazy daily word count…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, you joined today, that’s so exciting! You’re right, it’s certainly the journey and focusing on the final product wipes out all the fun. I’ve been so focused on achieving, I’ve lost sight of the process. Your encouraging words are so warmly welcomed, thank you! Sending loadsa luck with the rest of NaNoWriMo too! It’s such a beautiful thing to be able to express through words, it’s great to connect with other writers in this way! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the self-inspection. There is no growth without it. I signed up for a hiking challenge this month to get my daughter and I outside for 30 miles in 30 days OR 30 mins outside 3x’s per week. Working fulltime, I know that actually hiking the 30 miles is a stretch. I am currently at 10.7 miles and I am OK with it. I am making an effort to get outside 30 mins most days, so it’s a win. I am also leading a few hikes in the next few weekends. My point being…..you still have a lot of month left. I think when you relax and let the go of the expectation, it opens up new possibilities. I can’t wait to see how far you get! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Setting goals or signing up to challenges are the best way to motivate… Although I wonder if it’s about motivation as I love to write, it’s more about pushing beyond boundaries the mind likes to set and creating new realities by doing what we thought was impossible before (for me anyway). A hiking challenge sounds like the most fun! You’re right, it’s a win/win as being outdoors is medicine, so just being outside for 30 mins, no matter the mileage is enjoyable time with your daughter, although I’m sure you’ll make 30 miles :). So yes, releasing expectation is the best way forward. Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy your hike at the weekend, keep me posted as to how the challenge goes πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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