#14 Grateful for Uninstructed Processes

Ok the title may sound a little odd, but I was thinking the other day about how my body functions without ANY conscious instruction from thought. I am a walking piece of intricate wonder, my whole system knows exactly what’s it’s doing, 100% of the time.

Even when I get sick, my body got the manual, the to-do sheet of wellness to get me back to health. I settle down, rest and let magic work within me to heal. It’s pretty awesome when you think about the whole universe inside all of us. We get so bogged down with externals and on a general day-to-day, our body makes little demands other than hunger rumbles and thirsty mouths. How grateful am I that I can feed my hunger, everyday, with little worry about how… very grateful, I can tell you!

When I think about the trust I have in my body, the expectation that all will function as is supposed to (well, apart from a few hiccups here and there), my faith in life increases. The unravelling of understandings, the chance encounters, the situations that lead us from one place to the next. The down-time that recoups us even though frustrations may rise as we’re desperate for results NOW (yep, feeling this deeply right now). It’s all part of the process. Yes, I can certainly take control about what I choose to focus my attentions on, what I choose to invest my time and energy into. Those are conscious choices but the rest, well that is the down to the trust we have in ourselves and the process of our self-evolution and how much I surrender to the flow of life. Trust and surrender. So important yet such hard concepts to practice as we’re taught in schools that to be the best, the ONLY way to make things happen is to attain higher grades and know ‘facts’ and figures and to be in constant competition with ourselves and others. Not that I’m saying you don’t need to work ‘hard’ but in my experience, once I started trusting in myself and being me, what I choose to work at is not hard, it may be a challenge but it’s a challenge thats enriching, rather than draining. Thing is, we are the best we can be just by being and trusting and loving ourselves enough to want to share who we really are with the world.

Yes, all the above came from me thinking about my body digesting my breakfast this morning. Inspiration hits in weird and wonderful ways.

 

Weavers of Magic

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Women

The healers

Majestic weavers

Entwining threads

Of gold

To gently mould

Bright moments

To dark

Wholeness

Enchants us

To venture on

Dreaming beyond

The abyss

We miss

When roles taken

Are mistaken

For worth

We feel deeply

Distaste

Left on fingers

Fondling lingers

As beaten thoughts

Stamp no

Forcing low

The howls that rumble

And we stumble

Upon that strength

Meant

So intently

To snap the wire

Where desire

Has hidden

And rid

Are the bands

That bound our hands

To what we believed

Was all we could be

But see

We’re more

In the depths of our core

Than labels

And fables

We’ve grown to aspire

We’re higher

Than all we know

As above and below

We rise

The Edge

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What if the edge

Where I stand so close

Was not as we put it

Madness

But a falling tree

So distantly

Is holding my hand

As cries for the land

To be left alone

Are ignored

And poured

Is silencing tar

Upon the tongue

Of ones

Uniting

What if the edge

Where humans wait

To contemplate

Decisions made

Settings laid

Went wrong in our eyes

Yet this denies

The truth

That follows

The wallows

The tears

Wading through fears

To learn

And return

To love

What if the edge

Such promises pledged

To myself I would stay

Ten steps away

From jumping

To shatter

What doesn’t matter

Yet falling would purge

The empty urge

To need more

To blame

To consciously shame

What if the edge

Was the state of it all

And we follow the call

To love

To agree

That one are we

And the edge

Is the line

Yours and mine

To notice the drop

And stop

The divide

That rips the inside

Of all the confused

Perfection infused

Beings we are

Travelling far

The star

Is the mighty in you

And together we do

More than believed

At the edge.

#13 Grateful for Melting Hearts

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Morning blessings!

Today I am grateful for human resilience. For the strength we hold in our hearts, our minds, our soul. One day our hearts can feel frozen, the next melting waters feed our growth, our understandings.

There is nothing we are thrown that we cannot withstand, we keep going until we stop yet even then our spirit merges to a place so mysterious it has fed the imagination of a million generations. There is nothing we know for certain yet I truly believe that deep down, we have an understanding for everything.

As the earth rolls from pink skies to darkness, there is no end or beginning, just a continuation of movement and we glide, we soar, we soak in the changing view.

All happens for a reason and I am grateful for faith, trust and universal love as that is what holds us tightly through unchartered territory. Thank you for melting hearts, they are never wasted, only absorbed.

Novel Writing

I started this blog to write a book. I thought it would inspire me everyday to upload chapter by chapter, completing a rough first draft. Well that was about 9 months ago and although I’ve been inspired to write, my storytelling has taken on different forms since I began sharing on this blog, my imagination has pushed boundaries I didn’t even know I accommodated! BUT… I haven’t written my book.

That gonna change! The fear of commitment towards writing a full-blown-big-scary-word-count novel has been the stumbling block (oh who am I kidding, there’s a whole pool of fears regarding writing a book). I wrote a full-length play when I was doing my Masters degree in Creative Writing and it literally dragged my bones across a spiky floor, the process was brutal. There I go again, feeling the fear before I even begin!

So beginning today I am working on the book again and I have to say I’m a little excited to be pushing myself. This year has been much to do with healing and recovery regarding my mental health but now things are feeling a little more manageable (I’ll always be a little crazy but I’m learning to love that about myself, besides A) who isn’t? and B) normal is a stupid word that makes no sense in my book, literally in my book as no ‘normal’ character exists). So I’ve signed up for NaNoWriMo (writing a book in a month).. Ok so we’re 8 days into November, but thats OK… I’m fashionably late.

I’m just putting this out there, more for my benefit really. GO.TEAM.ME!

Mama J

 

Said Mama J

The other day

‘Don’t fret cos the moon got your back’

My response was ‘WOW

please tell me how

you know such a comforting fact?’

She replied ‘I know

As the thoughts I sow

Show up in the weirdest way

And the stars tell me this

You must follow your bliss

Then love you once lost will stay.’

So I tried it one night

When the moon was bright

But I couldn’t think what to say

So I gave up trying

Then words came flying

‘Thank you for sending me Mama J’

LoVe

The beauty in me

I decide to see

Depends on the winds

That coast

Since I can’t grasp the air

Nor solemnly swear

That I’ll feel this way

For the rest of the day

So I call on my heart

To draft me a chart

Of what to do

When I feel like shit

And low and behold

Such feelings unfold

Of love

And that is it

As not one little bit

Does the beauty in me

Need more than to be

Feeling such feelings

Of love

What’s to Understand?

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I’d no say

On the day I was born

Stars aligned

Hand of design

Drew me faintly

And fire burned

As water churned

The mystical notion

Of understanding

What I ask

Am I to know?

Seeds I sow

Break below

And prickly heat

Scratches away

Play

And no sense

Only pretence

Guides the parade

Voices made

I hear

Loud and clear

What I’m to say

Gestures I may

Introduce

To fit in

To win

But the day I was born

I mourned

The release

Of all this shit

For all I am loaned

Is known

In the passing breeze

#12 Grateful for Moments of Madness

Moments of madness inject my thoughts with creative overflow. I am grateful for this. I am grateful when chaos settles, condensation moistens the air and all clears so I can notice the view.

Madness is seeing the world in a way that exceeds conservative imaginations, to look beyond the valley towards details of distant unknowns. To smoothly soar into realms thought crazy yet visited by millions before, where ancestors dwell to recognise their awakenings in us.

No human has gone without moments of madness. Yes, some may feel more deeply than others but art and literature and music thrives in minds hosting such diagnoses. We are all tales of mad happenings, we are all the duality of sanity and madness yet these words are only a consequence of human understandings, understandings that cannot begin to comprehend the magnitude of our expansive senses. We cannot hide from corners our ourselves so today I am grateful for knees cradled as I curl within dark spaces of myself. To know myself is not to fear myself. I no longer want to fear who I am.

Stop Listening

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Tomorrow

I’m gonna stop listening

To this and that

To bull-shit chat

To no you don’t

For the lesser pays what the mighty won’t

I’ll cover my ears

As brooding fears

Stain bloody soils

And fuses boil

As secrets blurt

And saliva spurts

Upon the face

Of everyone

Tomorrow

I’m gonna stop listening

To pulling strings

That money brings

Such happiness

Silence our say!

The price to pay

Nothing comes free

Apparently

More death to fuel

The tool

That progress relies

And only denies

Our soul

Tomorrow

I’m gonna stop listening

To everyone.