So, seeing as I’ve not even thought about lent for the past loads and loadsa years, I want to use the next 40 days to fast from something that really makes me think and pray and requires loving commitment – to break an old pattern that no longer serves me, God or anyone else.
I don’t eat sugar, I don’t drink coffee or alcohol and I’m rarely on social media these days (I can turn my phone off all day and not really notice). As a child, for lent I would give up chocolate but this felt like an empty act, I was doing it because… well just because and I rarely reflected on the meaning behind why. This year it’s different. I want to go deeper than material restrictions.
I’ve decided to fast from complaining – venting petty, disempowering words to others and to myself, about myself. No words of belittlement, no moaning, no ‘sorrowful’ words to dwell in ‘woe is me’. I do have a tendency to turn my thoughts to dissatisfaction, especially when things are not going as I planned – my separated-self wanting to take the wheel. This is going to take lots of surrender and prayer but I feel excited about the prospect of watching my words, noticing when these feelings of smallness and worry take over. I feel like I am only beginning this close relationship with God (even though I know he has been with me always) and although I feel stages are early, I know for a fact that God wants us to shine and words can be healing treasures or weapons to knock us down. I choose healing treasures! 🙂
With God in my heart, I have no need to complain. I have all I need, I am rich. When I remember this, life feels clear, there is clarity in my thoughts and I reach out to others. However, when words of discontent and lack fill my heart (often feeling before thoughts register that such words are not welcome), I shut down.
This year I am letting God back in.