Remember

When I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling

and think of you

I remember those times you said we were through

or was that me?

memories blurred

yesterday was I fighting, my warrior stirred?

or was I laughing at jokes you told me

late at night when we should have been sleeping

but we weren’t

not knowing if the others eyes were open

never the words we yearned were spoken

remember the promise of road trips

and playing cards for cash?

when you said you’d teach me to swim

but alas

chlorine brings me out in a rash

“hey, who cares” you said

and we didn’t care, hot days brought naked bodies

fantasies soaring

sweat pouring

and leaky taps in the bathroom that annoyed the hell outta me

remember you saying “let it be”

let it be

I did

and we never managed to see it through

not doing those things we said we’d do

i’ll remember you the way I choose

not crying (like i did) “why the fuck did I lose!”

because really I lost nothing

i had so much to bring

and we showed up, the best we could

doing everything we believed we should

I remember the rainbow

I told you about it when you were there and I was here

when on the phone, remember I said “the rain on my face felt like the tear

I cried over you”

just the one

I lied

but the rainbow came and you hung up

a name in my inbox I decide to delete

I hope you remember me better

better than it felt we’d remember back then

even if you give me a two

I remember you now as a ten out of ten