There are days when I envision myself crawling through mud.
Being cradled by beds of clay and fertile dirt. My light depending upon the struggle, this intensity of needing to collapse into primal states feels more real than morning rituals.
Let the worms bury beneath me.
Let the woodlouse tickle my belly as they mount the mountain of me.
Let me be where theres no explanation. No why or how or whats next?
I am not enlightened here nor unworthy to call myself eternally divine.
I am not an understanding person as that sets me above.
No righteousness is homed within my marrow, cells vibrate with the waves of the ocean, no longer reacting to the 6 o’clock news.
I’m nothing recognised here, Im absolutely unravelled like the root of a willow tree. Above the water when the sun shines and submerged after the storm.
And in truth, I feel permanently sorry. Confusion rising daily, as the silence is broken by morning birdsong. I’ve forgotten what it means to be held by Great Mother and nourished by our Lords love.
So for all that is real in me, my blood that runs, let it run freely into the earth. Let that be.
My gift back, returned to Her. My life flow.
Words are constructed but my bleeding, a greater creation.
And if I could paint my face with this vibrant colour pouring from me, without outraged eyes beating back all that is natural, I would.
I’d crawl in the mud to the weathered rocks and bleed.
I’d no longer be littered with pollutive chatter nor my fins caught in wire nets, trawled to set an example or sacrificed in the name of conformance.
I am interconnected to Her, to Him, to the holy and sacred spirit. Ignited by the magic our ancestors hoped we’d comprehend, believing to be woven into our DNA. And maybe we do comprehend, more than we hope. We swim fully armoured to stay afloat yet all that is asked for us to remember the infinity of our soul is to fall. To mightily surrender to where it is only god who can carry our breath.
It would be with red on my face, bloody fingers painting so uninhibitedly that id crawl thankfully through the dirt I’ve been so desperate to clean myself from.