Generous

 

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Am I so generous?

Handing my power over

Now the property of others

Sometimes mostly

Often mainly

How kind I am to permanently loan

My power lives further than undecided boundaries

Because I dumped it

Somewhere on busy street corners

Lost amongst the bustle of unchartered souls

I just keep giving and giving

And giving

Yes, the odd occasion may arise when I collect

But someplace or somewhere or someone will own it again

Loosing a grip of myself has become a habit

Misunderstood patterns have become my absolutes

So what? I may feel a little disjointed

Sound may bounce off empty walls

Jarring such sensitive systems

And roots may loosen

They never sat firmly within familiar soils anyway

But I’ve not known myself other than this

Because the majority of me has been deposited elsewhere

Am I so generous?

One thing I know for sure

Time travel exists

Truth!

They say tomorrow is a new day but my days resemble those I’ve lived before

And I’m most certain that all I gave still lives in my pocket

Am I to be selfish?

To take one of two

I could sever the cord

Releasing my addictions to warped perceptions

Leaving behind what’s given

Or I retrieve

Inviting home shady grains I so willingly brushed off

Rewarding the return of all that I don’t want but need

Either way, I wait

I’ve waited not so patiently for others to bring me pieces of them

But what crap they gave me

So this generosity of mine

Misquote

Abandonment

Who the hell wants that?

So I’m keeping

My choice

My power

Product recall of all that belongs to me

Only I know how

But really, how?

I know, I know

Only I know how

Settled

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I’m not allowed to settle anywhere

Well technically I am

But I’m not

Because I never have

And because I never have it feels wrong

And if something feels wrong

Well I must be doing something wrong

And doing something wrong isn’t allowed

It makes me feel odd

And odd is wrong, right?

So I’m not allowed

Because that’s what I’ve told myself

And my rules are right

Just like my father taught me.