Today

Today was different

Most mornings the north wind would catch my tail

Reining enthusiasm

If ever it surfaced

Frost biting my red lips

Would carve tender valleys

And tiresome yawns would induce morning contractions

Pains encouraged by existence

I was heading places mostly undesired

But there was safety in the familiar

Most mornings

Short burst of breath kept me from melting

Melting into the ocean where undiscovered depths were calling

Begging almost

To have me settle amongst ancient bones

Forgotten

Buried under the cold sands of icy waters

Most mornings

Callous layers

As I shed

Would trail behind the morning sun

By dusk

I was bound

Tangled between damaged threads

For the moon would do her best

To unravel

To rebirth

To encourage unwanted fragments

Absorbing her enchantments

Braiding together my left to right

But my flesh was worn

And I was stubborn

Muscles aged

Devoured over the years

Digested before they even existed

Yet below noticed horizons

Homed a spirit I’d thrown to the lions

To be ripped

Dismembered

But entangled claws drew to me a fierceness I’d yet to witness

Until today

Hungry palms clasped the steering wheel

Locked limbs

Dismantled patterns of escape

Sparks of severed obligations

Disappeared under wheels in motion

And my hair

Sensing hidden mists

Rising wildly to ignite dampened curls

Freely rode the wind

As my limbs relaxed

And ruling boundaries

Were broken

I was new

My palms grazed upon lush possibilities

I was hungry no more

Purged from me was the need

To know

For I knew nothing

And today

Resurrected curiosities

Met the very edges of my wonderment

Today I drove

Guided by sirens once stifled

Somewhere

Nowhere I knew

And I was free to bury myself below sacred waters

Amongst the bones

My bones

Today I was free

 

 

 

 

Because I’m A Woman

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Because I’m a woman

I weep

Unapologetically

I feel

Unapologetically

Wisdom soaks my morning prayers

Forget intellect

I woke up

Aware

I did that, no one else

Stifled by words, sometimes

But not my words

And to know the difference

Is key.

Because I’m a woman

I bleed

To shed

Not die

I bleed to renew

To birth

Again and again

To birth new linings

And cushion precious beads

Because I’m a woman

I may worry what others think

When hair blesses my body

And I leave it alone

But not worrying enough

To intervene

With art

A rawness

Flourishes

Stripping layers of education

Of how one should be

In being

Fuck should

Is

Is enough

Because I’m a woman

I delight myself

My own touch

Stroking flesh

My breasts, enjoyed

Just because

It feels good

My shell responds so sweetl

To me

Never alone

Each night it is me who brings love to bed

 

Because I’m a woman

I sting

When I want to

I fight

When I need to

I pull myself apart

Rip chunks of rotten doings

Rotten sayings

From the core of me

Yet my own forgiving hands

Catch misshapen identities

To bring home

To sculpt back

There is nothing insignificant about me

Because I am a woman.

 

Noticing me

Did you notice me

When I walked in wearing an oversized t-shirt and baggy jeans – I just didn’t give two craps this morning. Wild gonna shine anyway and this fierce mane, plaited, tamed, will unravel come sundown ready for moonlit serenades and ritual explorations. You just wait.

Did you notice me

When I ordered an orange juice and swallowed two round pills for an ache that just ain’t ceasing. A problem I’ll never ask you to solve, a problem not even a problem but living in a square world gonna trip up any woman thinking in circles.

Did you notice me

When I sat and pulled out my notebook and pen to scribble. Scribbling scribbles I do pretty well, you wanna read my stuff? No problem, I’ll firm my wrist to smooth crinkled words, readable, for you. Staining pages ain’t always easy, and reading forced sentiment even harder. Been easy to hide behind confusions, until now.

Pen don’t work

Did you notice me

When I asked to borrow a pen? You smiled and said, “I don’t carry ink” … well I don’t blame you; it’s a futile habit. Language lost in those dimples anyway.

Did you notice me

Staring at the stars reflected in your brand new shoes. I ain’t never seen shoes so shiny, well if I have I don’t remember ‘um like I remember yours. A whole universe bows at your feet, including the asteroid belts restricting my view.

Did you notice me

Inviting ghosts, those left behind. Echoes often ignored weave their way home. They say you loose yourself in moments like these but shared glances raised forgotten cities.

I noticed you

An enchanting exhibition, pencil lines of perfection – damn, there’s artistry in those genes. Turquoise spells would bestow our children, if I wanted children, which I don’t but we’ll talk about that as we explore rivers and spirited mountains, together.

Did you notice me

Planning eternity within the pause of a breath. No need for marriage, contracts are for bricks and mortar. Our love coasts the summer breeze, comforting, dwelling upon warm sands. As clouds morph through the sunset, our love grows. Crescendos ain’t a necessity; I’ve dived into violent waters before.

Did you notice me

Playing calm, not wanting to draw too much attention, obviously my purr was too faint. You didn’t notice me, footsteps you’ll forget and shiny shoes heading someplace new. You left with no precious exchanges, carrying nothing of me as I inscribe the entire fucking manuscript of you. Beginning, middle.

End.

 

Self Talk

Laugh

Don’t laugh

For you’re breaking roses with that smile

Thorns gonna scar your skin

And no woman

Sweet like blackberries

Stains

So permanently

Like you do

Dance

Don’t dance

For those notes of grace

Between your soul and the earth

Prints

Upon your clay

Yours alone

Ain’t enough

And no woman

So freely expresses

Herstory

Like you do

Sing

Don’t sing

Bird song gonna pierce like an arrow

Through my bearskin

Stripped

And no woman

Can sew neatly

Fix

Like you do

Listen

Don’t listen

For you know

Hear to hear

The sway of thought

Feeling

Like you do

Like a woman.

 

 

Funny Story

 

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Friends always say

“You’re so funny

Random shit always happens to you”

You want a story?

I’m your gal

God forbid you ever think me boring!

I go out

Get drunk on pink wine

To meet a guy who has his own story

I meet one

He does some job

Someplace

Somewhere

I don’t fancy him but he has nice shoes

He fancies me

I think

Story begins

We get drunk

He invites me back to his

We drink whiskey

I hate whiskey

But I drink it anyway

I’m more obnoxious when I’m drunk

I think

And flirt harder

I need to pee

I come back

He’s naked

I shut down

 

It wasn’t the worst

It wasn’t the best either

He shows me pictures of his kids

Tells me he misses them

And her

I should care

I don’t

We fall asleep

I wake up at 4am disorientated

Where the fuck am I?

He drapes over me

I want to leave

But I don’t

I push him off me

I fall asleep

Wake up at 6am

Hangover from hell

He pretends to like my morning hair

I pretend I fancy him

He takes ages in the loo

 

I hold mine in

Coffee makes it worse

I say goodbye

Twenty minute walk home in heels

My pants are crusty

No big deal

I vomit behind the bins outside McDonalds

I laugh at myself

Funny

I get home

Go to the loo

I take a bath because I feel disgusting

I wash my face

I cry

I can’t remember his name

And did we use protection?

I put on a baggy t-shirt and leggings

I watch TV

All day

And eat a whole packet of kettle chips

The big packet

Ready salted

And oven chips

I pick my fingernails because I’m so pissed at myself for eating a whole packet of crisps

I call a friend

“What a night!

You’re never gonna guess what happened?

It was so fucking funny”.

 

 

 

 

Being Me

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My veins are full of iron

I’m not so sweet as you think

When my shadow pours acid rain

Don’t be mad that I muddied your pink

 

My eyes reflect what you want

To be as you want me to be

When I am the way that I am

Don’t act disappointed in me

 

My hands are to fondle this earth

To feel what my heart needs to grow

If I pluck something different to you

Don’t tell me I’m wrong and don’t know

 

My breasts will swell each month

And my body is mine to bleed

When I choose to nurse only myself

Don’t say that I pay you no heed

 

My legs they have shape and much strength

To explore lands my soul can call home

If you steer me someplace I hate

I’ll walk my next chapter alone.

Mothers Coat

A girl

Nuzzling into her mothers velvet coat

Catching her tears

As they darken the purple fibres

Tears

Never to greet the lines of her smile

Erased before salt waters

Nourish hungry pores

A girl

Waiting

For yellow grass on timeless lands

To weave an emerald blanket

Enticing rainbows

And spirited pilgrims

Who’ll loan their ears

To listen

A girl

Wishing her feet to swell

Grounding as choreographed storms

Dance hand in hers to sweep across the empty floor

Forceful swirls captivate unwillingly

A girl

Tamed

As imposed words are stitched upon her tongue

Good girl

Nice girl

Syrup oozing from the rope burns

Angels who’ve hounded her pleasant ways

Beckoning

For veracity to bellow freely from her skeletal cave

Snapping threads

And carving stories

Her stories

A girl

Nuzzling into her mothers velvet coat

Inhaling familiarity

And buried truths

Of generations before her

Pulsating through her veins

Liquid addictions

And mercury fillings

Tolerating the rotten saliva moistening repression

And all the while

Roots plagued with hereditary decay

A girl

Playing woman

Her limbs alluring wandering eyes

Desired

Like diamond stars guiding the hungry miner

Chiselling

His brow sweating above hers

Her skin coated in brine

And cloudy resin tightly sealing her lips

Well done

You play woman so well

A girl

Nuzzling into her mothers velvet coat

Catching her tears

Until all life has bled from her ducts

And remnants of rose perfume

Muffles the punches

Again

And again

And again