Sense

It may make no sense

No sense at all

But listen to this

As man of tall

Shall bend at the knees

As petals fall

And the breaking of day

Is best thought at night

To imagine to the sun

Most vivid in sight

And some days I’m weary

Some days I’m cold

Some days I’m young and others I’m old

Sense is the happen

No need for the why

As we’re born, we exist

And the end, we die.

Bless

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Bless the turns that I made wrong

And bless those right as well

For neither turned out how I’d hoped

Both led me straight to hell

I joke

At least I think I do

As hell can’t be all day

Yet hell can be when hell decides

Or do we have final say?

I’d hope to think we make that call

On how we rule our fate

So bless me on my choices made

And the paths I choose to take

#19 Grateful for (More) Confusions

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I pulled the above card three days ago. I’m pulling a card every three or four days to help me with my buddhist studies from the Tibetan Buddhist meditation deck and boy, is it making me think.

I feel it would be the ‘right’ thing for me to insert here… ‘I feel this so deeply. I wish nothing more than to be able to alleviate suffering. To reach lovingly not just to those we hear about on the news but the hidden cries that many shield from even their families. Those who are abused, mentally, physically and sexually behind closed doors. The depressed who carry on with their 9-5 as they’ve children to support and fear what they’d loose if they put their health first. The artist who hasn’t the confidence to support their creative endeavours and therefor represses expression (and believe themselves mad in the process).’

I feel like my whole heart should be invested in ‘extinguishing the pain of others’ and in the words above however, in total honesty, it isn’t.

This is not because I don’t care. I do care, I feel others pain so much so it can cripple me. I’ve done what I believed would help, like working for a charity, I’ve donated, I’ve given all the clothes I’ve ever owned to charity shops. Although I feel the pain of those around me I also know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to neutralise their suffering. I can only offer a soothing balm but it’s their choice to apply and only their skin can do the healing. I know this from my own experience. I spent many years in pain, secretly, with a smile on my face everyday but tears pouring the evening. There was absolutely nothing anyone could do. Support me, yes but to heal… that must come from the individual.

Also, there are many unintended consequences that can arise from wanting to help another. Our intensions can be drawn from a heartfelt place, yet what we see to be medicine, others may perceive as hell. When I was at my worst with anxiety, I know the actions of those close to me grew from love but often decisions they thought to be best, were in fact not. I knew what was right for me and I think as a society we want to fix others, to steer them in the direction we believe to be their healing path. Yet, each one of us has our own journey, our own speed we travel, our own differing energies to work though.

So how can I extinguish the pain of others? Yes, to be of service is a wonderful and priceless gift but can this extinguish pain, or just lighten the load?

I love this study, as I know questions drive discoveries. Discoveries that lead to new questions… oh how life is a long string of questions and this question I may need to sit with for longer. I know it has struck a cord as I felt the need to write about it. Often when things sit uncomfortably, there is a reason. What this reason is, I shall have to wait to discover.

 

 

 

 

Simple

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To the moon

Said the sun

‘Begin us some fun

Let such rules be heard

That all shall submerge

In the wild, to be free

Precariously

Doing all to survive

Roaming far and wide

Thinking they may control

How it works

But they don’t’.

Said the moon in return

‘But what should they learn?

If they stride too fast

What lessons will last

How will one reflect?

Acting circumspect

And driven by fear

Keeping hate too near

And they keep themselves going

But where do they go?’

A confident sun

Said ‘free will has begun!’

They’ll follow their call

Choosing big, choosing small

The truth will be theirs

And we’ll comfort their stares

As they pray for our voice

To guide their next choice

But deep down they know

Which way they’re to go

And they’ll do what is best

For their soul

To grow

‘Gosh’ the moon sighed

A worry reply

‘We’ve not thought this through

For what should we do?

If the soul of the meek

Should faintly speak

And reflection dies

As lies

They rise

And time drives a need

To travel with speed

From one place to another

To only discover

Dissatisfaction

And plan further action

To plough much more

Than they managed before!’

The sun scratched his head

‘Let’s try this instead

We work closely together

With land

And the weather

To us all may ponder

Their faith growing fonder

In what we create

To be loved’.

‘Agreed!’ said the moon

No moment too soon

When life

Gives life

All reasons to be.’

Knowing

Of knowing nothing I know more

than the nothing known before

And of nothing I can hold

Knowing nothing will unfold

And unknowing what is known

Knows theres nothing to be blown

Nothing comes

Nothing goes

Nothing up won’t stop the lows

So the nothing of unknown

Sees the knowing as a loan

And the nothing in unknowing is the comfort I am sewing

Into life I thought I knew

But I don’t.

What’s to Understand?

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I’d no say

On the day I was born

Stars aligned

Hand of design

Drew me faintly

And fire burned

As water churned

The mystical notion

Of understanding

What I ask

Am I to know?

Seeds I sow

Break below

And prickly heat

Scratches away

Play

And no sense

Only pretence

Guides the parade

Voices made

I hear

Loud and clear

What I’m to say

Gestures I may

Introduce

To fit in

To win

But the day I was born

I mourned

The release

Of all this shit

For all I am loaned

Is known

In the passing breeze