Ok the title may sound a little odd, but I was thinking the other day about how my body functions without ANY conscious instruction from thought. I am a walking piece of intricate wonder, my whole system knows exactly what’s it’s doing, 100% of the time.
Even when I get sick, my body got the manual, the to-do sheet of wellness to get me back to health. I settle down, rest and let magic work within me to heal. It’s pretty awesome when you think about the whole universe inside all of us. We get so bogged down with externals and on a general day-to-day, our body makes little demands other than hunger rumbles and thirsty mouths. How grateful am I that I can feed my hunger, everyday, with little worry about how… very grateful, I can tell you!
When I think about the trust I have in my body, the expectation that all will function as is supposed to (well, apart from a few hiccups here and there), my faith in life increases. The unravelling of understandings, the chance encounters, the situations that lead us from one place to the next. The down-time that recoups us even though frustrations may rise as we’re desperate for results NOW (yep, feeling this deeply right now). It’s all part of the process. Yes, I can certainly take control about what I choose to focus my attentions on, what I choose to invest my time and energy into. Those are conscious choices but the rest, well that is the down to the trust we have in ourselves and the process of our self-evolution and how much I surrender to the flow of life. Trust and surrender. So important yet such hard concepts to practice as we’re taught in schools that to be the best, the ONLY way to make things happen is to attain higher grades and know ‘facts’ and figures and to be in constant competition with ourselves and others. Not that I’m saying you don’t need to work ‘hard’ but in my experience, once I started trusting in myself and being me, what I choose to work at is not hard, it may be a challenge but it’s a challenge thats enriching, rather than draining. Thing is, we are the best we can be just by being and trusting and loving ourselves enough to want to share who we really are with the world.
Yes, all the above came from me thinking about my body digesting my breakfast this morning. Inspiration hits in weird and wonderful ways.
Ok, my grandma isn’t grumpy, not all the time anyway. I just always thought of her as grumpy when growing up because when I stayed with her as a kid, she’d mostly tell me what I shouldn’t do rather than what I could.
She’s been staying with us for 3 weeks, basically my uncle has been poorly and there is a huge possibility he could have pancreatic cancer. He’s in the middle of having tests at the moment and as my grandma lives alone, she didn’t want to be on her own during the stressful time of waiting to find out what exactly is the matter with him.
Previously, when she’d stay with us in London (she’s from Leeds in Yorkshire), I’d find it a little stressful, only because I was focusing on the idea that we are completely different. I always found it exhausting defending my views on life during conversations with her about this and that. However, this visit has been like no other. It hasn’t been hard or stressful or challenging at all. We’ve got on, we’ve talked about opposing views but I haven’t flared like I may have done in the past. I’ve stopped judging her (I realise I’ve been very judgemental in the past, obviously the less I judge myself the less I feel the desire to judge others). I have enjoyed her company and appreciated her for who she is, rather than finding fault as she’s not living up the expectations I was imposing upon her. She’s 90! I can learn so much from her… yes she may eat cheap meat and not worry about animal welfare and has very conservative opinions about political affairs but she’s also caring and strong and vibrant and loves meeting people and enjoys her life.
I have been amazed these past few weeks with how much I have learnt about her as I loosen those judgement reigns. I haven’t built the usual ‘I’m not going to talk to you much because you’re just going to upset me’ wall that I’ve been hauling around in her company for the past 10 years. I am so grateful for that, so grateful that I have been able to listen to her, to witness her softer side and to feel a genuine warmth between us that may have previously frozen due to frosty bites I’d use to defend against something that was never attacking me. That’s the point isn’t it, we can build up so much attack in our systems that everything outside begins to resemble a dangerous weapon of mass destruction.
These few weeks I’ve seen many of my weapons melt in the fire that has kept grandma and I warm as we play cards and I show her how to make a almond milk hot chocolate. Turns out, she likes my plant-based cooking and has now bought herself a blender to make smoothies like the one’s she’s enjoyed here.
Life throws us surprises every single day and for me it’s just being receptive, showing an openness to learn rather than defend. Learning to love is the greatest lesson so far (and I can’t imagine it ever gets better than that).
Ok, so a little bit random but today I picked up a glass of water and thought ‘shit, how cool is it that I can hold stuff!’
And it really is!
How amazing is it that we can move stuff, touch things, pick things up and carry them around. We can hold something in our hands for hours, should we wish to carry whatever it is we’re holding for that amount of time.
We don’t think about it because we don’t need to I guess, it’s a given that the grip on our fingers and palms is strong enough to hold whatever it is we need/wish to hold (unless it’s super heavy.. or maybe you’re bionic and have super holding powers!). We can paint, draw, sculpt, write, build railways and planes and construct buildings – creating towns and cities. Seriously, theres a miracle happening everyday, each time we pick something up.
Man, I love my hands. They’re incredible. That is all.
Happy hand day to you.
Gratitude is addictive… like the most delicious cup of creamy coffee yet without any heart palpitations or needing the loo 20 minutes after! I have been documenting daily gratitudes on my instagram account for the past 60 odd days and it.is.magic! I wanted to do the 365 project but, well technology had other ideas and for the past three days my personal instagram account keeps crashing (thankfully not my writing account, which is weird as I’m using the same phone… I’m taking it as a sign!). Today I made the decision to delete my personal feed, I’ve been posting for the past 7 or so years so it’s time to retire and let go.
So I’m transferring my daily gratitudes over to here, to keep that momentum of ‘Thank Yous!’ rolling like pockets of air picking up all the good stuff and dumping it right in my path. The harder you search the more you find and I’m discovering that sharing my gratitude seems to heighten grateful intentions, meaning more energy is invested, meaning more grateful pills swallowed, meaning appreciation filling more pores… basically gratitude becoming my attitude.
When you’ve let fear run your life for as long as I have, finding things/thoughts/people/obstacles/fixed n’ broken ideas/tears/pain/dreams to be grateful for is the most natural way to help soften the ‘lets-find-things-to-be-scared-of’ voice that has chatted away for too long now. Everyday I am making conscious decisions to bring more love into my life, to appreciate my wholeness and power as a human. Gratitude is the warming, healing tonic I’ve been craving without even knowing it and I wanna ingest as much of that medicine as I can – well until my belly gets comfortably full anyway.
My gratitude post of the day is this… making this switch and lightening my social media weight, because it can get heavy. Minimal living, it’s a life saver :).