Sister, I See You

Sister, I see you

I have done all along

I’ve stood under the stars you dream

Your woes are in my song.

I see the woman you’ve become

Perfection, that’s you now

No questions need to haunt your heart

Of when or where or how.

For all of that, the heavy doubt

The worries you hold true

Shall flow behind courageous blood

The sacred light in you.

For sister, you have hidden deep

A wisdom like no other

As from you born, not just a child

But warrior and mother.

My Favourite Fairies

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Last night in my dreams

I climbed high up a tree

And I spoke to the fairies

Who live higher than me

Their wings were green

And were brighter than bright

I could see them coming

In the darkness of night

They whispered they’d heard me

Before I could ask

And I couldn’t believe

They knew my wish so fast

And with that they went

Before saying any more

I frowned and felt cheated

Then fell to the floor

“Those fairies are rubbish

They don’t grant wishes

I should have gone to the water

And asked all the fishes”

But as I walked home

Bare foot in the woods

I was stopped by some wolves

Faces shaded by hoods

I screamed to the fairies

“You know that I’m scared

Why send me these wolves

If you really cared”

I froze from the fear

And awaited my fate

I’ll be tasty I’m sure

On their wolf sized plate

But all fell silent

And I opened one eye

The wolves they nodded

And passed me by

I laughed to myself

Oh fairies, you’re wise

You sent me my wish

In a hairy disguise

As to you I had prayed

That I’d live my days

Driven not by fear

But in courageous ways

Sortin’ Shit Out

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There’s some weird shit going on in my head

You hear that too?

And I ain’t yet through

It’s not always pretty

There’s more to come

I don’t yet think I’ve even begun

To know the depths

Of where I was

Those currents took me far because

I’d swear I’ve not been to places I see

Downing bitters and herbal tea

Making me shed before I was this

And when the hell will I vomit up bliss?

I’ve waited for centuries

Or longer still

To crumple to crap

‘Just pop in a pill’

It’ll help I’m told

Just do as they say

Oh boy, it got me fucked up that way

So this stuff I feel

I’ll shake it out

Cheers to the movers

Salute to the soothers

Draw me a circle of where I should be

And there I’ll shuffle, hesitantly

As I know this shit

I’ve mastered the (eye)

Fenced by a name

And found lenses to lie

I’ll be something special

I’ll always be that

Cos I’m freestyle dancing

Wearing Kraps hat

 

 

#29 Grateful for My New Found Love of Art

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This no-phone week has been delicious, I almost want to turn if off permanently! I feel calmer, I feel less anxious and less afraid to experiment with my art (my newly discovered passion). On a side note, I would seriously recommend turning your phone off for longer than a day. Life will go on and people will find you should they need to. I don’t think we need to be so accessible all the time, we’re just made to think life won’t be full without it. It will… but that is just my opinion 🙂

Today I painted the above. I call it  I see. 

I have zero art experience, well apart from a GCSE in art (taken nearly 20 years ago!!), but I freaking LOVE to paint and draw. It has only been in the past few months that I bothered to pick up a paintbrush and I only started drawing because I wanted to create a visual to match my poems, to jazz ‘um up a little (obviously I didn’t think they were good enough on their own!).

I’m no master and to be honest, that isn’t my aim –  I won’t be trying to impress anyone with what I create, that’s for sure. Surely the personal benefits of self-expression are more important than how ‘accurate’ or ‘masterful’ the painting is.

Also, what I love about painting is seeing the results of your labour straight away. When I’m writing, it’s a slow process, or it feels slow anyway (especially the novel for obvious reasons). The page can become a blur of words, thoughts can seem scattered but when I paint, it seems to make more immediate sense (to me anyway).

I  feel so lucky that I am able to express myself in this way. In many ways. I truly believe that we find so much peace and healing when we get intimate with ourselves, to begin to understand our soul truth. Self-expression is a grounding practice. It centres us, keeps our hearts open to feel, no matter what feelings arise. Self-expression keeps us wild and alive and in touch with what it means to be human. I’m sure I have written something similar to this in previous posts, I guess it’s been an incredibly important healing tool for me. For a long time I became so obsessed with ‘being spiritual’ I forgot I AM SPIRITUAL, just by being alive. Painting leads me back to me, the real me, the me I am learning to love unconditionally. Honouring my creativity taps deeper into the universal force that dances inside of us all. I feel so strongly that my mental health has improved due to expressing myself, not worrying about what others may think of my work, just expressing who I am. I have noticed that being honest in my work has attracted more honesty into my life and this has been such a gift, one I didn’t even know I wanted.

Within, we have all the magic and pleasures of life. We are the holders of so much love and light (darkness too as without dark we have no understanding of light). We all have much to share and many talents just waiting to be explored.

Let’s get busy exploring 🙂

 

Do Nothing

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The comfort of stillness

Can break my knees and lock my spine

And I question the pain and effortless violence

So meticulously executed, even before my awareness

As waves like celebration flags

Ripple through dense tissue

And tickle forgotten dimples yearning to be seen

I notice because I am doing nothing

Stillness invites interpretation

Or the understanding of it

I am no longer roaming fields of angry daisies

Where curious fingers disturb the ants

I see transformations

How summer can brighten stained glass

So I close my eyes and do nothing

To see layer upon layer of translation

Where clear visions are decorated

With young numbers and early sentences

But the whole self is nothing I have learnt

It is the growth of a bitten nail

Or fever sweating out the swords

The whole self is happening without my interference

I see all this

As I close my eyes and do nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

Tales of Love

 

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Saturate me with tales of love

Not dinner dates or three-day rules

Forget about void conversation

That relentless depletion as illusion builds

And caged intentions quiver, anticipating defeat

My skin is my skin

But my soul is forever boundless in her scope

Let me love, as the trees welcome the ants

Love, as perfume shared by the lavender

So freely coasts the summer breeze

Love, as the sunrise tickles enthusiasms

Yearnings explode. Purples and pinks decorate the mist

Let me feel the truth in love

The bond that ties our hands to the soil

Muddy fingers planting apple seeds and cherry pits

Let me love with no receipt

And watch demands disappear, pulled under by natures current

I think I’m beginning to understanding

What love is

Silent Symphonies

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I am charged

Silent symphonies have done their work

At first I could not hear the call

From trees piercing clouds

And majestic birds, defying time

Creatures so small, vibrating expressions

Their might within intentions

And all this I missed

As brick walls absorbed my nonsensical chatter

Who’s to say I was not once the weed

Or the heather thriving on northern cliffs

And how I crave the river

The wild current, danger signs keeping curiosity at bay

But danger lives in repetition

Doing over and over, feeling safe

And I know so well, rules funding rules

And lost maps to completion

Empty promises decorate flat screens

And square disrubting the cycle

But now I am charged

As so clearly I hear the wind chimes

And tides that smooth the sand

Far from where I stand yet close to breath

Yes, silent symphonies have done their work

Flooded by nothing came everything

And spirits, no longer filtered by a whisper

Asking me to lighten, to willingly shed

Bare strength from this life to next

Hurry not as those places I’ve yet to travel

Are places I know so well, home.

 

As They Pulse

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Amongst the midst of thinking

I stumble upon shallow water

Where fishes pray

Slowly planning their descent. One day

I walk on broken shell

And kick the sandy bed

Grain filled mist dances

Passing by my bloody toes

Red turns to pink. To nothing

I think to numb

But the salt, the salt eases the pain

Turtles bury themselves

Hiding from careless pace

So I stop

Forgetting where I came from

Inhaling the horizon

Exhaling the days I hated these hands

That sway in the sea

Ripples circle the whole of me

And my heart listens to the clams

As they pulse

And water rises

My hair flirts with the algae

Entwining under the setting sun

I wonder how I thought

How thinking goes. Gone

And my heart listens to the clams

As they pulse

And I pulse too

Me, delicious?

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What if

I forget how to breathe

One day my lungs pack up

And I freeze

For longer than a minute

An hour

I die right there

And purple veins decorate marbled blood

Clots of dark, crumble

Hawks hover above

Liquid pink drenches the earth

And twigs played by bones

Settle alone

Waiting for the squirrel to collect

What if

All I knew of myself

When painted lips pout in the morning

As I decide by the light of the mirror

My worth

Was gone in a flash

Ground down to feed the worms

Every inch of me

Nourishes another

So what if

Before I die

I decide to be delicious

Before the hawks and the squirrels and the worms

Enjoy me

I’ll make sure to enjoy myself first

Bless

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Bless the turns that I made wrong

And bless those right as well

For neither turned out how I’d hoped

Both led me straight to hell

I joke

At least I think I do

As hell can’t be all day

Yet hell can be when hell decides

Or do we have final say?

I’d hope to think we make that call

On how we rule our fate

So bless me on my choices made

And the paths I choose to take